So, anyone who knows me will vouch that I’m much more likely to be found with my hair scraped back, stomping around the countryside in wellingtons, than I am to be in a dress and heels with my hair done. My mother and middle sister Sophie (AKA Posh Totty) despair with my lack of enthusiasm for being a girl on a fairly regular basis. They both fake tan, paint their nails, apply makeup daily, spend an inordinate amount of time doing their hair, and have tried in vain many times to get me to do the same.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think they look great when they’re all dolled up, but for myself, I’ve always seen it as a lot of unnecessary faffing about. I mean any nail varnish applied gets chipped off within 5 minutes of being on a farm, my hair returns to its default windswept look the minute I’m outside, I can guarantee if I wear makeup, I’ll end up with cat hair in my eye (that stuff really does get everywhere) and rub them so I end up looking like a Panda…. And to top it all off I enjoy what limited sleep I get and I’m reluctant to give any up for beautifying!
So….. I’m back for the summer and about to embark on a ‘Girl’s Holiday’ to Budapest and…. I caved and decided that for this holiday I would experiment being a girl. As this is such a rare and spectacular occasion, I felt I should document my experiences of this girly transformation on my blog.
So first up; Getting Tan-tastic …..
I live in trousers… they’re practical, warm ( I am the wimpiest person when it comes to the cold ever) and for the most part, do the job for all occasions. However, one slight disadvantage is the lack of sun to my legs means they literally look like two milk-bottles and provide endless teasing opportunities for my mum and sisters if they ever do see the light of day. I have had some experience with fake tan to various levels of success…. The problem I find with it is, I always manage to rub bits off in bizarre places, while in other areas it concentrates into an attractive dark orange, so I end up looking like a patchwork quilt (which in my opinion looks even worse than my default milky-bar kid state).
Because of this, my mum suggested that “I get a bit of colour” for my holiday by going under the sunbed. I figured going from cloudy English weather to 33-degree heat in Budapest may be a bit of a shock to my English Rose system so I decided maybe my skin could do with a bit of acclimatisation to the increased UV. Now firstly, I know sunbeds are BAD and you should NOT use them on a regular basis due to their link with skin cancer and I will never become a regular user or advocate anyone else doing so. I had a total of 6 sessions before I went away of 6 minutes at a time and that was enough for me!
Now because I never do any of this girly stuff, it genuinely strikes the fear of God into me and everything is such an alien experience. I am not at all claustrophobic but I kept thinking about the scene in one of the final destination movies where the girls get trapped in a sunbed and fry to death…. not a way I wanted to go! So the first time I was on it I had to keep lifting the lid to check it wasn’t broken. The first couple of times I went on it, nothing happened; I came out just as white as I went in! My skin may be pasty white but is also apparently quite UV resistant! The next few times all that seemed to happen was my freckles had a field day. My face exploded with brown flecks so… I guess I was getting some colour but not exactly in the way that I wanted! Finally, by my last few attempts I started to see some progress though I still wouldn’t exactly call myself “tanned” by most people’s standards, but at least I won’t quite look like the snow queen when I wear my bikini on holiday.
Step 2; Long and luscious Lashes
So my mum who has always wished for longer thicker lashes has recently become the greatest advocator for individual lash extensions and I have to admit… When done properly they do look good! I hate having to faff around with makeup and knew on my holiday I would be swimming and with Rachel around (one of my housemates who LOVES documenting any occasion with lots of selfies before plastering them on facebook) there would be lots of photos taken. I’m not a complete boy, I do care about looking half-decent in photos so I figured getting some of these lashes might help me look OK in Rachel’s many snaps.
We did a bit of research and went to a woman who had good reviews. I went for a patch test to check I wasn’t allergic to the glue and my eyes wouldn’t swell up like golf balls, then two days later went for the whole hog. The lashes are painstakingly applied to each individual lash and fall out naturally with your own body’s hair cycle so should last around 3-4 weeks. The whole process takes around an hour and a half so for a fidget bum like me this was quite a challenge. I also did have a small fear while laying there that she may have accidentally glued my eyelids together, as my eyes had been shut for such a long time, though of course, she hadn’t, it was just once again my fear of the unknown beauty world! After having them done, I have to say I am most definitely a convert! I LOVE my new long doe-like eyelashes and have definitely experienced a few moments of vanity since having them on just staring at them in the mirror and fluttering them. Even if the rest of me looks like a scruff, somehow the eyelashes make my whole appearance look nicer. They are also great for a lazy girl like me as I can just roll out of bed looking sassy without having to mess about applying make up…RESULT!
Step Three….. Tackling the hair… Down there!
Ok so, this may be an over-share but this was the third and final element in my girly-girl transformation. I had the dilemma every girl has before a holiday… How to tackle the bikini line so I can break out the swimwear. I hate shaving as not only does it last five minutes but it gets scratchy and sore and that is not a feeling you want in such intimate areas. So I decided to take the plunge and have a wax. I had both my lower leg and bikini done and I have to say overall it was a surprisingly positive experience!
My legs were over in a flash and hurt no more than plucking your eyebrows ( I am fortunate enough to be blessed with very sparse fine leg hair, which may have helped a fair bit). The procedure was quick and virtually painless, it was definitely a good warm up to relax me a little for what was to come next. Then we got to the bikini area….. I decided as I was trying it why not be a sucker for punishment and go the whole hog, so…. I went for the full Hollywood and was cursing myself for making this decision while lying there waiting for the torture to start. One dilemma about the whole experience which I got over very quickly was getting my bits and pieces out for this woman to do the procedure, but to be honest she was so professional and unflappable (I mean thinking about it, she must have seen a hell of a lot of lady-gardens, though I did warn her after she commented on the sparsity of my leg hair situation that this was not the case in other areas…..) so I soon completely forgot I was half naked in front of a stranger! The lady I had was fairly merciless but as she pointed out, the longer you fanny around (excuse the pun) the worse it gets as your inflammatory mediators (casual veterinary terminology thrown in there) start marching “down south” to assess the situation. Now, I will not lie, it stung …A LOT but it was not unbearable and the pain was short and sharp and subsided quickly. I managed to hold it together through most of it, trying to chatter through the assault (though I completely lost my train of thought every time she ripped a strip off…. I think the poor woman heard the same part of my story about three times! But it was a good distraction). However, there were a couple of particularly nippy bits to which I gave a startled yelp, had to resist the knee-jerk reaction to slap the woman, followed by uncontrollable laughter at my own reaction. Overall, it’s not the most relaxing of beauty treatments to have but serves a purpose and although I won’t be fighting others to get back in there, I will definitely be booking in for my next holiday!
…..And I’m not showing you the finished product of the other treatment as I fear it may put the parental control settings up on my blog!
So that’s it, a summary of my very short experience of being a girl. What have i learnt …. Girls do some crazy stuff to look good….. But sometimes the feeling you get from looking good is worth it!